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My Dear

  To my son, We’ve had so many battles, you and I. We’ve had so many fights, so many tantrums, so many screams, so many tears.  You and I, my dear. These battles feel unending. These battles feel defeating.  These battles feel scary.  I wonder sometimes how I can make it another day, another minute, or even at times another second. We always make it, you and I, my dear.  I look at you and see a little boy who is scared.  I look at you and see a little boy grasping for every ounce of attention. I look at you and see a child so innocent.  I look at you and see a child so filled with rage and anger.  I look at you and see a child misunderstood.  I look at you and see me. We have these battles, you and me, but I need you to know, you are not defined by them. Neither am I.  You are worth every battle, past, present and future.  You are worthy. You are deserving. I love you, my dear, forever, through whatever.  Mama
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mother’s day

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 Happy Mother’s Day — Today has been full of ups, downs and all the in between but looking at it all, while I wish sometimes we could make it a day without the arguments, bickering, drama, tantrums and chaos, I truly cannot imagine a day any differently! This is true motherhood.  Motherhood is messy, chaotic, stressful, full of moments you think you couldn’t possibly make it one more second, but motherhood is also beautiful. It’s full of moments you wish you can go back and relive, just to cherish them even more than you had before. It’s seeing your oldest grow into herself, becoming curious, strong and secure in her own person. It's seeing your middle child, the only son you will ever have, starting to take on life and the traits that one day will make him a man. It's watching your youngest, the baby girl who's soon to be 3, become less of a toddler and more your little girl whose quickly finding her voice and fierce independence. It’s watching your husband teach your so...
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Don’t pick it up sis

 Hey there- I haven’t been feeling very inspired to share my thoughts lately but feeling like I have some stuff on my mind that might help another struggling.  Lately our son- who is almost 6- has been really putting us through the wringer. Like going to the extreme of telling me “I hate you”— “you’re the worst mom” — “I wish I had a different mommy.” and just balls to the wall acting out. There’s been a lot of days where I sit/ lay in bed and think maybe he could have a better mommy, maybe I’m not doing enough, maybe I should be doing more. All of the feelings hit me. Sometimes parenthood makes me feel like I’m stuck standing on the tracks, waiting for a train going 180mph to hit me & no matter how much I try to brace for impact, there’s nothing to prepare me for what’s going to come or what I anticipate happening.  The person who was supposed to be my best friend told me I was insane. We had a fight and I have never felt so much betrayal in my life. So many emotions...
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Welcome to the chaos

I have wanted to start a blog for a long time but always make excuses. I used to have a blog in college, and I’ve secretly wanted to write again. I often tell myself I’m too busy or that no one will care about my words. I have the time; I just need to focus it on something productive. Even if no one reads my blog, at least I tried. The only true failure would be not trying at all.  So here we are, and here it goes.   "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall" — Confucius  Have you ever thought, "Who am I?" Like, of course, I am a person, wife, mother, daughter, sister, employee, caretaker, the get-it-done-er. Mostly all surface level. When I had my first child at the age of 23, I went into what I would describe as a quarter-life crisis—I convinced myself I was nothing more than a mother and would never be anything more than that. Almost 8 years later, and a multitude of refining periods in life, I still don't know all...
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