Don’t pick it up sis

 Hey there- I haven’t been feeling very inspired to share my thoughts lately but feeling like I have some stuff on my mind that might help another struggling. 


Lately our son- who is almost 6- has been really putting us through the wringer. Like going to the extreme of telling me “I hate you”— “you’re the worst mom” — “I wish I had a different mommy.” and just balls to the wall acting out. There’s been a lot of days where I sit/ lay in bed and think maybe he could have a better mommy, maybe I’m not doing enough, maybe I should be doing more. All of the feelings hit me. Sometimes parenthood makes me feel like I’m stuck standing on the tracks, waiting for a train going 180mph to hit me & no matter how much I try to brace for impact, there’s nothing to prepare me for what’s going to come or what I anticipate happening. 


The person who was supposed to be my best friend told me I was insane. We had a fight and I have never felt so much betrayal in my life. So many emotions have come across me. I don't understand how it got from where it was to where it is now. I don't understand pretty much any part of it. I try and wrap my brain about what happened and what I could have done differently or not done in the first place  but the thing is, I can't see it. 


Here's the thing about each situation- my son and friend are feeling insecure, their emotions are clouding their judgement, and they want me to pick up the responsibility of changing. But, I am not picking it up. It is not my issue to resolve, it is an issue from within themselves and they are lashing out at me. During these times in your life, no matter who it is or what the situation may be about, if you take an honest look at the circumstances and you can't find an issue with what you did or said, you don't have to pick up the responsibility of "fixing" or changing. Far too often I have tried to be the fixer. I have allowed people's opinions, insecurities and judgements dictate who I am, what I believe in and what I stand for. Quite honestly, I still do "pick it up" and have to put it down. Some issues you face aren't because of what you have done in the situation but are because others are insecure, ill-equipped or too "out of touch" to grasp the reality of circumstances.

At the end of the day, I have to literally tell myself "that is a them problem, not a you problem" and walk away from it, put it down, whatever you may refer to it as. If you need to do this as well, feel brave and secure enough to do it! If ya pick it up and ya realize it is not a you problem to fix- put it down, sis!

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